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Dec. 5th, 2022 10:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
regndoft(Crossposted from Pillowfort because considering how rarely I post there and here I thought... why not?? And rewriting it to fit Dreamwidth felt strangely insincere lol.)
Very slowly trying to get used to lurking here again. Liking a post here and there, dropping in and out of conversations, making an impression but not contributing much of value lol.
Part of that is Pillowfort being Pillowfort--still pretty small, still pretty difficult for me to find a nook where I can vibe, but mainly I just don't have the time/energy to post here. I know I should feel relieved not to feel pressure to make #content, that the point of a blog that I've always cherished is that it is my space to share whatever I feel like, but as of late (read: most of the past year) I've been struck by a self-conscious feeling that I'm actually very boring!!
But also I am tired, and don't have much headspace for being online, because I'm trying to wrap up my Master's thesis after Covid- and life-induced delays so I can finally get my degree. Which is GREAT, but also I can't believe I would willingly put myself through this again if I do pursue a PhD.
Which is something else that's been strange about this year - or months, more accurately - that I've gone from quite depressed about the future, considering my options for an alternative career path, maybe a short work program to qualify for a real, practical occupation, to feeling passionate about academia again and that I do want to at least try to make a career in it.
But honestly, after the past couple of years, I'm glad to just feel like I have a future again, uncertain as it may be.
Very slowly trying to get used to lurking here again. Liking a post here and there, dropping in and out of conversations, making an impression but not contributing much of value lol.
Part of that is Pillowfort being Pillowfort--still pretty small, still pretty difficult for me to find a nook where I can vibe, but mainly I just don't have the time/energy to post here. I know I should feel relieved not to feel pressure to make #content, that the point of a blog that I've always cherished is that it is my space to share whatever I feel like, but as of late (read: most of the past year) I've been struck by a self-conscious feeling that I'm actually very boring!!
But also I am tired, and don't have much headspace for being online, because I'm trying to wrap up my Master's thesis after Covid- and life-induced delays so I can finally get my degree. Which is GREAT, but also I can't believe I would willingly put myself through this again if I do pursue a PhD.
Which is something else that's been strange about this year - or months, more accurately - that I've gone from quite depressed about the future, considering my options for an alternative career path, maybe a short work program to qualify for a real, practical occupation, to feeling passionate about academia again and that I do want to at least try to make a career in it.
But honestly, after the past couple of years, I'm glad to just feel like I have a future again, uncertain as it may be.
