regndoft: (Vestal {Ab Antiquo})
Summer is Not Good for me in the sense that my generally timeless existence somehow becomes even less structured. I cannot tell what happened two days or a week ago.

- I bought a board/card game called Happy Little Dinosaurs, despite very emphatically Not being a gamer by any definition of the word. What can I say, I was swayed by the cute art and my own lack of impulse control, even though I know it's the adhd desperately seeking new dopamine kicks. It doesn't help that I'm always more or less frustrated over the fact that I'm not a perfect productivity machine and my subconscious is constantly striving to find some way to reinvent me. -__-

That being said, I enjoyed playing the game. I think it would be nice to be the kind of person who plays games with friends, even though I'm not.

- Am generally tired of not being amazing and accomplished in everything I do. Deeply unfair that I have flaws.

- Might've brought that up with my therapist if she hadn't cancelled. :( She's pregnant so I don't begrudge her that, but it's frustrating when I don't really have anything else than those appointments to anchor myself with.

- Spent most of the weekend taking long walks with wife and trying/failing to write. It's strange to go from trying to write oneshots for a new fandom after having one single longfic project to focus on for about two years; I'm left throwing paragraphs on the wall and see what sticks again after having a pretty solid outline to follow, and it's leaving me frustrated. Like I can't direct the little creative energy I have where it should go.

- Wife is going to a conference abroad on Sunday, so I'm taking a day trip to Uppsala to see uni friends and trying to think about the fun we'll have instead of dreading the possibility it'll trigger another depressive episode, lol.

- Been listening to Dark in Here (the album) by The Mountain Goats on repeat for days now.
regndoft: (Below the Thunders of the Upper Deep)
Wife and I were supposed to go picnicking in the woods today, but SOMEONE (me) managed to sprain her ankle playing Pokémon Go last night and have spent all day in bed trying to move as little as possible. Instead I have watched her clean our room, and spent a good couple of hours reading The Shadow Over Innsmouth out loud for her while she fiddled with her doll collection. Mawwiage, am I right?

The Shadow Over Innsmouth is quite fun also, barring the Egregious Racism and the narrator's insistence on describing EVERY DAMN STREET he runs down while pursued based solely on a map scribbled down by a 17-year-old for what at least FELT like 20 pages. It was nice to be able to talk about it with wife, who's Decidedly Not a fan of horror (Lovecraftian or otherwise) but happy to pick apart the # problematic qualities of the text as well as what makes it enjoyable. Does help that TSOI is one of those stories where everyone seems kinda shite, and The Horror is funnily enough also the only source of real community in the story? I think having your fish-frog relatives pop out of the ocean to check in on you once in a while seems rather sweet of them, actually.

That being said, the most distressing aspect of that novella is the inclusion of the word "tiaraed", a word I have no clue how to pronounce and honestly do not care to find out.
regndoft: (Vestal {Ab Antiquo})
I have for a while now been meaning to dust off this account, and every time I'm held back by the simple fact that I'm not sure anyone here even remembers who I am, and a re-introduction seems like a very complicated and awkward thing. My last entry was in 2015, and the irony of me lamenting that I need to post here more often is not lost on me.

Here's what changed: I lived in Uppsala for five years before moving back last september and I miss it every single day. I did get my BA in religious studies, and am still working on an MA in Cultural Anthropology; something I should've been done with years ago, but turns out I have ADHD and a global pandemic isn't super conducive to studying anyway. Still grappling with that and what I want to do with my life. Since I married my girlfriend (!!!) and moved back to Stockholm I am technically a housewife, and thus spend most of my time on chores, going to therapy, and fighting off existential ennui.

Fandom-wise I'm still writing, and after a decade I might even be kinda sorta decent at it. I got back into anime and manga again, something I honestly didn't think I ever would (though I'm not actively keeping up with anything atm). Barring those two weeks in summer 2020 where I listened to literally nothing other than Les Misérables cast recordings and spent three months rereading the same j/jvj fics, I've mostly been dabbling in MXTX/danmei fandom for the past couple of years. Right now I'm having a great time with the Malevolent podcast and reading Weird Fiction.

I still care very much about Nordic folk culture and inflicting my extremely niche taste in music on unsuspecting bystanders, too.

Tbh I don't know if I'll be very good at updating here now either. But after spending almost a decade on Tumblr and Twitter, where I have for various reasons (including but not limited to being in some fandoms with major harassment problems) posted less and less of my own thoughts and works, the idea of going back to what is essentially Journalling In Public is very appealing.

I tried.

Feb. 1st, 2013 05:50 pm
regndoft: (Winterlight {All the White Horses})
- Failed to produce something for [community profile] who_at_50/who_at_50 in January. Cue guilt. I didn't foresee the massive amount of work I'd have to put into uni, especially at the beginning of term. So uh, I guess I'll try harder for February? Though I'm not sure it'll be what I'd originally planned, due to time restrictions... I might cave to temptation and write Liz/Rani... it's Femslash February, just sayin'.

- I also failed to even begin reading Option Lock for the henriettastreet readalong... a shame, as Xenophon's Anabasis is possibly the least riveting classic I've ever read, and that's what I've been trying to get through for most of the month.

- First class in Ancient Greek last night could have gone off to a better start, but it's... probably going to work out. I just don't know where I'm supposed to find the time to go through all the grammar as well as translating texts every week in between reading the bizarre amount of chapters I get for Antiquity. *Sigh* I'll manage, somehow.

- There should probably be something positive in this post... but I can't think of anything.

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