Time and its passing.
Mar. 21st, 2013 09:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
regndoftTomorrow, I turn twenty, so I guess I should write this entry while I still have time.
When I was younger, I was never really fond of my birthday. I didn't like the passing of time and I didn't really have any friends to celebrate with for most of my time in grade school. Now I don't much care, but the occasion always causes me to scrutinise myself more than usual... and necessary.
I don't like to think about it because that train of thought will inevitably lead me back to Station Depression; I don't want to think about the things have not achieved in twenty years of life. I don't know how to play an instrument, or speak more than two languages; I'm not a particularly proficient writer or artist. There are places I haven't seen and things I've never said.
But trying not to think about these things because I know how it will make me feel, I guess the one thing I have achieved is actually being aware of these things. And thereby having improved my life immensely.
(And no, of course I couldn't have done it alone, but then again - do we learn anything by ourselves properly?)
((Also I started skimming through an online course in elementary French.))
As for the actual birthday-- not much is going to happen. Sis is going to school (we share our birth date) as usual, so we won't really celebrate until the afternoon, and in either case dad is in Hong Kong because of work. So I'll probably spend most of the day sleeping, studying for the exam next week, and hopefully baking (white chocolate and pomegranate cookies! There might be photos).
And in the evening, I have to go with sis to her maybe-future-upper secondary school to fetch her submissions to the aesthetic alignment...
Could be worse, definitely. Could be turning sixteen, like she is.
When I was younger, I was never really fond of my birthday. I didn't like the passing of time and I didn't really have any friends to celebrate with for most of my time in grade school. Now I don't much care, but the occasion always causes me to scrutinise myself more than usual... and necessary.
I don't like to think about it because that train of thought will inevitably lead me back to Station Depression; I don't want to think about the things have not achieved in twenty years of life. I don't know how to play an instrument, or speak more than two languages; I'm not a particularly proficient writer or artist. There are places I haven't seen and things I've never said.
But trying not to think about these things because I know how it will make me feel, I guess the one thing I have achieved is actually being aware of these things. And thereby having improved my life immensely.
(And no, of course I couldn't have done it alone, but then again - do we learn anything by ourselves properly?)
((Also I started skimming through an online course in elementary French.))
As for the actual birthday-- not much is going to happen. Sis is going to school (we share our birth date) as usual, so we won't really celebrate until the afternoon, and in either case dad is in Hong Kong because of work. So I'll probably spend most of the day sleeping, studying for the exam next week, and hopefully baking (white chocolate and pomegranate cookies! There might be photos).
And in the evening, I have to go with sis to her maybe-future-upper secondary school to fetch her submissions to the aesthetic alignment...
Could be worse, definitely. Could be turning sixteen, like she is.
