![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
a quick retrospect
Jun. 14th, 2022 12:23 pmSummer is Not Good for me in the sense that my generally timeless existence somehow becomes even less structured. I cannot tell what happened two days or a week ago.
- I bought a board/card game called Happy Little Dinosaurs, despite very emphatically Not being a gamer by any definition of the word. What can I say, I was swayed by the cute art and my own lack of impulse control, even though I know it's the adhd desperately seeking new dopamine kicks. It doesn't help that I'm always more or less frustrated over the fact that I'm not a perfect productivity machine and my subconscious is constantly striving to find some way to reinvent me. -__-
That being said, I enjoyed playing the game. I think it would be nice to be the kind of person who plays games with friends, even though I'm not.
- Am generally tired of not being amazing and accomplished in everything I do. Deeply unfair that I have flaws.
- Might've brought that up with my therapist if she hadn't cancelled. :( She's pregnant so I don't begrudge her that, but it's frustrating when I don't really have anything else than those appointments to anchor myself with.
- Spent most of the weekend taking long walks with wife and trying/failing to write. It's strange to go from trying to write oneshots for a new fandom after having one single longfic project to focus on for about two years; I'm left throwing paragraphs on the wall and see what sticks again after having a pretty solid outline to follow, and it's leaving me frustrated. Like I can't direct the little creative energy I have where it should go.
- Wife is going to a conference abroad on Sunday, so I'm taking a day trip to Uppsala to see uni friends and trying to think about the fun we'll have instead of dreading the possibility it'll trigger another depressive episode, lol.
- Been listening to Dark in Here (the album) by The Mountain Goats on repeat for days now.
- I bought a board/card game called Happy Little Dinosaurs, despite very emphatically Not being a gamer by any definition of the word. What can I say, I was swayed by the cute art and my own lack of impulse control, even though I know it's the adhd desperately seeking new dopamine kicks. It doesn't help that I'm always more or less frustrated over the fact that I'm not a perfect productivity machine and my subconscious is constantly striving to find some way to reinvent me. -__-
That being said, I enjoyed playing the game. I think it would be nice to be the kind of person who plays games with friends, even though I'm not.
- Am generally tired of not being amazing and accomplished in everything I do. Deeply unfair that I have flaws.
- Might've brought that up with my therapist if she hadn't cancelled. :( She's pregnant so I don't begrudge her that, but it's frustrating when I don't really have anything else than those appointments to anchor myself with.
- Spent most of the weekend taking long walks with wife and trying/failing to write. It's strange to go from trying to write oneshots for a new fandom after having one single longfic project to focus on for about two years; I'm left throwing paragraphs on the wall and see what sticks again after having a pretty solid outline to follow, and it's leaving me frustrated. Like I can't direct the little creative energy I have where it should go.
- Wife is going to a conference abroad on Sunday, so I'm taking a day trip to Uppsala to see uni friends and trying to think about the fun we'll have instead of dreading the possibility it'll trigger another depressive episode, lol.
- Been listening to Dark in Here (the album) by The Mountain Goats on repeat for days now.
